Surprise your fantasy football addict by joining in the conversation. Below are a few terms and definitions with a WAFS “twist”.

Keeper
What’s it not – alas, it is not a reference to you.  While you are most certainly a ‘keeper’, your boyfriend/husband does not seem to remember this during the fantasy sports season.

What it is – a keeper refers to a player on his current team that he will retain ‘rights’ to in the upcoming year.  For example, a league may decide to have two keepers.  Once the season is over, each team will choose two players to keep on their team for next year.

What this means – in the past, the end of the regular season of football meant the end of fantasy football.  However, the great part of the keeper position means that even though the fantasy season is over, your boyfriend/husband is now preoccupied with the thought of which football player(s) to keep for the upcoming year. In other words – it’s STILL not over!

Flex Position
What it’s not – remember how your macho man tried to impress you by flexing his tiny muscles?  Well, it’s not that.
 
What it is – each league defines which positions are on each team.  For example, a standard team would consist of a quarterback, 2 running backs, 2 wide receivers, 1 tight end, 1 kicker, and 1 defense.  Unlike those positions on a standard team, a flex position is not a regular football position, but it is a fantasy position where the team can choose to use a player from any of several football positions (typically, a running back/wide receiver flex is used so that they can start either a running back or a wide receiver).  The flex position adds a level of flexibility to the strategy of the team.

What this means – added flexibility = added complexity= more time spent on the computer.  Sadly, instead of making more time to play with the kids, or to make dinner, they are using that extra flexibility in their schedule to figure out how to fill their flex position.  Added complexity = added time analyzing the decision=added confusion in their simple minds.  In other words, leagues with a flex position means just a little more time will be spent in his decisions every week in who to start – AWESOME! 

Sleeper
What it’s not – a comfy bed.  A Brad Pitt/ Kevin Bacon movie.  A cute little nighty.  After countless “five more minutes honey”  you fall asleep waiting for your husband who is STILL on the computer in the other room . (because he’s playing fantasy sports - DUH)

What it is – similar to how the term “underdog” is used, a sleeper is a player who is not well ranked but ends up performing well. While winning is your significant other’s primary purpose in his fantasy league, the secondary purpose is to show off his sports smarts by choosing the best sleepers in the fantasy draft.

What this means – homework homework homework (aka – an absent partner).  One reason why these idiots (oops…I mean gentlemen)  put so much time into their fantasy draft homework is that they are trying to determine which players will perform better than expected.  Finding a diamond in the rough, the one player that shocks them all, gains kudos from his fantasy peers (if one can actually use the word ‘peers’ in this manner)…the one player that will make the other guys look at him in awe…and say “dude, you’re the MAN!”  Am I the only one who finds herself sleeping?

Draft
What it’s not – an involuntary recruitment into the armed services.  Although the thought of some time served to better our country would be more appealing than another fantasy season, alas it is not.

What it is – a time for the men to choose their teams.  The most widely used draft is the serpentine draft, where the teams are ordered (usually randomly), and the first team makes the first pick, and the draft proceeds sequentially.  At the end of that round, the team that picked last now gets to pick first, and the order proceeds in reverse back towards the team with the first overall pick.  An online draft is exactly that – an eGathering where they draft their teams through the internet.  An offline draft is a draft where they meet in person.  Most drafts take 90 to 180 minutes.

What this means – your August will suck.  Most drafts take place in August (or the 1st week of September), so be sure to find out when his draft is so you can get a babysitter and plan a night out with the girls.  If it’s an online draft, he will be hogging the computer for hours….screaming to the kitchen “Honey! I got Randy Moss!”   A 2 hour draft will require 3 hours of his time; he’ll show up 30 minutes early to make sure the software works, lest a computer drafts for him if he doesn’t show up, and stay 30 minutes afterwards trying to make trades even though he just picked who he wanted. 

And if he’s having an offline draft?  Make sure you are out of the house the whole day.   Trust me.   Offline drafts take longer, they are louder and more obnoxious, and if it’s being hosted in your home, they’ll expect you to serve him and his friends food and beer.  Yeah right.  Like he is worthy of it, let alone his nerdy friends and their League of Idiots.  Come to think of it, convince him to have an offline draft at someone else’s house.  Then you’ll have a full day of peace and quiet.  Bliss.